The place where Broadway and musicals are located.
The place where I will begin the next chapter of my nomadic life.
The place where I turn into an eccentric academic out of sync with normality.
NEW YORK.
Welcome.
The place where Broadway and musicals are located.
The place where I will begin the next chapter of my nomadic life.
The place where I turn into an eccentric academic out of sync with normality.
New York.
An aspiring hikikomori/ gomiyashiki owner who will get 3 dogs, 1 cat and a herb
garden when she is in her 40s.
Currently a second year Phd student in East Asian Studies, NYU; a self-proclaimed OTAKU; a
clumsy but avid snowboarder; and absent oneechama of Variel.
8 Sept 2010: West Side Story, WICKED
19 Sept 2010: Chicago
8 Oct 2010: Promises Promises
29 Oct 2010: Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake
14 Nov 2010: American Idiot
18 Jan 2011: Billy Elliot
8 Feb 2011: La Cage Aux Folles
6 Mar 2011: Paul Taylor Dance Group
5 Apr 2011: Catch Me If You Can (Broadway preview)
2 Dec 2011: La Boheme
9 Jan 2012: Rent
22 Mar 2012: Phantom of the Opera
23 May 2012: Avenue Q
26 Sep 2012: Newsies
2 Oct 2012: Turandot
4 Oct 2012: Once
15 Oct 2012: Sleep No More
28 Nov 2012: Lion King
7 Feb 2013: Book of Mormons
14 Mar 2013: Jersey Boys
25 Mar 2013: Sleep No More
21 May 2013: Kinky Boots
26 Sep 2013: Big Fish
Saturday, January 10, 2009
2:23 PM
My life till now
Ladies and gentlemen, with a heavy heart, I am glad to announce that I had submitted my Masters thesis. It is an oxymoron, but I still feel unsatisfied over my gains and losses over the past two years here.
Okinawa was so very different from Hokkaido. Okinawa was a time of learning that there was no limits to myself. I learnt not to be so judgemental on myself and not be affected by the judgements of others, I learnt the importance of friendship and I experienced freedom from the strictures of society. I became more confident and happy with who I am.
Hokkaido was quite different. For the first time in my life, I learnt that loneliness is no longer my friend, or perhaps I did not truly know her in the past. I learnt how destructive self-escapism can be. I learnt that there are limits to myself and I must be held responsible for it. And I became aware of the responsiblities I have towards others and myself. I became disdainful of some friendships, becoming quite hypocritical in my perception that they are simply a means to an end. Hopefully, I will also learn from all these failings and become a better person, if not for myself, then at least for others.
My two years here was spent trying to escape the reality. You can call it slagging and bumming around. It was destructive because of the inordinate amount of time I spent reading novels, watching dramas and playing computer games non-stop. In the end, I had neglected my studies, the main barometer of my self-worth since young. I had not been very responsible towards myself and I let myself slip.
My masters thesis was shoddily written and I was kept painfully aware of this fact during the past two months of writing it. If not for Adeline over skype giving me a semblance of sanity and this blog giving me a virtual space to vent my problems, I really do not know how I could survive.
Even so, I realized that I have a PROBLEM after the entry on Jan 2nd and I forced myself to stop blogging. I knew my next entry will definitely be lashing out at one of my best friend for many years. How hateful had I became! Venting my vitriolic and airing my problems for all to see has caused me more problems. My aunt read the fateful post that made me decide to stop blogging and I suspect she is angry with me. I am sure I have some friends who will also be angry and offended if they read my posts from the past two months. Even though I start and end my hate-posts with the caveat: 'I hate myself for being a bitch', a bitch is a bitch is a bitch. The damage is done.
Looking back at the entries for the past two months, I see my emotions on a roller coaster ride. Face it, I went 'cuckoo'. Reading those past entries and reflecting on the past two years made me realize that, in addition to myself, I have responsibilities to others too. To my friends, family and Variel. These are part of the burdens that I must learn to treasure and make sacrifices for. I had been so sheltered and protected since young. Getting whatever I want and sulking when I cannot. Reading my entry on Nov 21st, I cannot truly say that I have became a 'better woman'. But I hope I will become a wiser woman. I was half-tempted to take down some of the more incriminating posts. However, these were a chapter of my life and I want it to remain there as evidence of a painful lesson I have to learn. I sincerely apologise to my aunt, all the friends I had bad-mouthed here and all the friends who had to endure my venom and unhappiness in this blog. This was a horrible episode of my life and I hope you can all forgive and forget.
I was supposed to go snowboarding today but it was cancelled due to bad weather (even though the weather turned out perfectly fine in the end). Having no true snowboarding buddy here sucks. Being determined to go alone especially since a friend was willing to care for Variel for the day, I was almost out of the house before I changed my mind and decided to stay at home to do some soul searching, which resulted in this post.
Did I put snowboarding into part of the tools for my self-escapism? Perhaps unconsciously, it has became an avenue of escape from my thesis. Or perhaps I loved it for the physical and emotional challenge to myself. I was so disappointed this morning. This long awaited symbol of freedom from my thesis did not come true today. However, I realized that this freedom will be short-lived and reality will still come crashing onto me. I will shelf a part of my desire for this sport into my novels, dramas and computer games cos I really must start to control my addictions.
In spite of all my grand resolutions, I can be a spoilt and stubborn bitch at times. Just like how I forked out S$400 in my JC days for Variel's training when my mum refused to let me attend Spencer's training. I must not count on anybody to go snowboarding with me and I am determined to go alone this coming Wednesday. Hopefully, being a weekday, nobody will be too pissed with Variel's barking. Don't worry, I will fully charge my mobile and make sure I have the emergency number of the ski resort in my speed dial.
