I had difficulty in deciding the title, but since I am going slightly crazy with the stress from work(that's the cool way to say 'study' here) and even at home, let me form this entry from a slightly academic point of view.
We like to define things in negativity. They are happy, but I am not happy. He is rich but I am not rich. I think my roommate defines herself as 'Roslynn is enjoying her life in New York while I am not', while I am defining her as 'Maureen is having a terrible time at her program, and incredibly stressed, but I am not.' Why must we define ourselves and everything around us by comparison and negativity.
Basically, I am having difficulty coping with the large amount of work, I am stressed and busy. But as I use my roommate as a point of comparison, defined by what she is NOT, I feel a little better. Of course, I am sure Maureen feels a lot worse.
I wonder if she knows the stress I am under whenever she unloads her unhappiness to me. Cos the fact was that I was so stressed with the overwhelming amount of work looming in front of me on Friday that I couldn't work. I simply bought 2 tubs of Ben and Jerry's, went back home, and watched Grey's Anatomy for the rest of the afternoon. Then, she came back home and UNLOADS. Yes, she does that all the time, but this time round, my 'full' button was blinking.
I don't think I can take anymore of her unhappiness. Maybe she revels in it (as I know some people do), or maybe she can't get out of this cesspool of unhappiness cos everybody in her department seems to be wallowing and even drowning in it. I wouldn't mind the buckets of unhappiness emanating from her if I am stress-free, but unfortunately, no matter how much I try to define myself by what she is NOT, I am quite out of my league in my work too.
But at least I am enjoying my work, even though I couldn't keep up. So again, I am defining myself by what she is not. Because she definitely dislikes her work!
3 comments
